take my life, not my liberty!

i need a strong love
but none will believe me
friends offer to cheat, steal and decieve me
i need to trust
and feel the love
i don't want to be abused
or suffer someone.
i don't want to cry
in shame or pain
i don't want love to forget my name
i am tired of forgiveness,
compassion and patience.
give me a sexy, mysterious woman!
i have fair friends
who cheat and betray me
present me with problems
and try to decieve me
i feel the fear of losing someone
so dear to me,
but i am holding on
to the dream i have
of waking each morning
listening to her voice
talking beside me
i can see her face
and hear her words
i can't be mistaken
this must be love.

to old friends and enemies [at christmas]

dear friends of old
it is a shame
that we cannot be
what we were always meant to be
for each other.
people change, usually because
they have suffered some unfair treatment
at some point in their lives.
we have all treated each other unfairly
and that is probably why i am no longer with you.
i couldn't stand to remain in the frame
of the lies, degredation, hostility and intimidation.
i know why i chose not to have children.
or a lover, partner, job - whatever!
but i keep on trying,
i won't give up.
but because you're not here with me...
i least my life is my own.
i can make my own decisions,
and i am satisfied with that.

fairweather friend

So we don't agree
And lie to one another
with words of conceit
We keep each other
Waiting in vain
For a better friend's arrival
We share our bad times
And concentrate on survival.
We drink for the good
And spend our time smoking weed
But dear friend, my values have changed
And even though our aquaintance is casual
We are only at best,
Good friends of yesterday
Since my lover has left.

lucid thought

back then,
i cared little for the facts of life
i had invested complete trust
in the future.
surely the conflict
would grind to a halt,
someday.
but it's the bullies that always win.
when i was 28
i realised the cause of all my sickness
the voices, rage, taunts and tears,
where all the dissenting voices
of those who wished me harm.
and had zero respect for my heart's malaise.
shame on you!
they say,
you abandoned us and took a girl for your own...
but it was the love i craved.
not a bag of shit!

strike fear into my heart then...

lies, deceit and children.
i know deep in my heart
the slut that ruined me as as a boy
took away 8 years of my life
and stabbed me in the chest
as i left through the front door.
5 years have passed
and i fear the same may become
of me again,
i live in absolute terror of the call
that shall sink,
my hope and my heart.
those children were never mine,
and i am well aware
of what is happening behind my back
paranoid?
i am afraid not...
i fear a bitter end to my search for love.
this shall be the death of me.

revelation

its wrong,
that i am held back
by those who refuse
to support my agenda
because they think i will lose.
i have but one chance at life to take.
to live by my dream
the way i would have liked.
i never stood in the way
of anyone else's motives
but the world conspires
to cheat me
of all i love...
what's the problem?
why so serious?
... i have been a witness,
to one beast of a Jesus.

tagged

i found her
through technology
i used for comfort
my balls are bust
and i daren't love her
Aleicha K,
or should that be Kim
i lost you to the fear
that i may not win.
who is to say that
i cannot be cherished
and loved as i would have
if i was married.
i beg of you,
please show me some mercy.
my heart has been broken
many times already.

garden lane

i am glad to be alive
now my heart beats blood
around my body
instead of the venom
of old conflicts with friends
and old lies
that haunt me
belittle my mind
and seem to cause these
night terrors and anxieties
fear and loathing
that have been banished
by a thought that won me over.
a dream i had of a beautiful woman
who let me lay in her arms
and share a sofa.

the ghost of christmas past

lonesome nights.
in the still choking air
acrid smoke in my eye
and tea on tap.
i worry about having the courage
to ask for some company.
it's only fair in this life
that i may relate as other's do.
and so i cast a spell
for 37 dollars
and wished that i may live again
with the ghost of some dear memory.
yes, i have begged of the sky
to grant me the resolution
to see fit,
that i may love as some other's do
i wished...?

...i really have no idea what i wished for.

thoughts of madness (on old draft)

nothing changes. left away in solitude surrounded by objects of labour and passion, plenty happens here at home, but all is lost to amusement, not gain. my plans for the future i have already known went awry long ago in the past when i could enjoy life for what it offered. now it just presents its curse of solitude and long held dreams failed, letting disapointment and resentment settle heavy in my heart; causing me psychoses and other labours of the soul. whispers, insulting me in silence, stir me to shout my innocence out loud to the four walls, should they hear my protest. though none foster and fewer care for my wellbeing, my beliefs are sentiment to my own derision and failure, to be as good as the next man...

lone star

I am a lone star wandering
An empty vessel of what is to come
Drifting across the winds of change
Under a setting sun.
Love is not lost within me,
Promises have been made and cherished and loved.
Though i remain a bachelor of arts
Believing something good will come,
Of this hope
And hope springs eternal,
As every vision of joy lets me see.
I wake with daydreams of beautiful things
And there is much more to know -
Because,
I am a lone star wandering
And empty vessel of what is to come
Drifting across the winds of change
Under a setting sun.