strike fear into my heart then...

lies, deceit and children.
i know deep in my heart
the slut that ruined me as as a boy
took away 8 years of my life
and stabbed me in the chest
as i left through the front door.
5 years have passed
and i fear the same may become
of me again,
i live in absolute terror of the call
that shall sink,
my hope and my heart.
those children were never mine,
and i am well aware
of what is happening behind my back
paranoid?
i am afraid not...
i fear a bitter end to my search for love.
this shall be the death of me.