shit monster

trouble at home
and in the street
old faces
i haven't seen in some time
are out looking for me
i worry for my safety
because i have known violence before
hatred is ugly
but jealousy is worse
and it's directed at me
by these shit monster
cretins
who i am told have an armoury
or threats and weapons
to carry out on me
in the next 10 years to come
because,
i made a list of what
i want to achieve on my own

last post 30/03/08 (blues diary)

there is a space in my life
where i craved to
fill the frame
and allow a relationship
to develop naturally
the time spent in vain -
alone,
has been sorry at last
but not without hope
family has filled the gap
where the love i craved
that would share my pain
has been forgiven and set to last
now my siblings
and their children
are my sole amusement
i am sorry for my past crimes.

yes, i know, i never had a father (the gospel according to an enlightened soul)

he was supposedly
an adult figure
and should have treated me
with respect and kindness,
to teach me right from wrong
in times to come
and find me a wife that's gorgeous
but instead he cheated and lied to me
because he would not have a Son like me
and so,
he did away with me as his own
so my mother had me beaten
and tortured
'i was your child!
and i didn't stand a chance!'
now my brothers' conspire to decieve me
my voice isn't heard
i am totally alone
and i don't have anyone to support me...
i not allowed a go at anything at all!
and i am sure none have ever loved me
i am in a fight i cannot win
because my Father, he has slain me.
he has passed me by for the very last time
and i say to you, for sure
it's you i wanted my whole life through
i never stopped searching for your thoughts,
hoping for your love,
and dieing for want of your words.

bad dream

waking,
in the evening
to find i have slept the whole day
through
i had a bad dream
a vision of catastrophe
so i wrote these words
for you
i am balding
and getting older
and with each passing day
i gain a gram of fat on my waistline
and so i have to ask...
where has my innocence gone to?
my youth was a line of white
crystals
a big black, blind hole
in my retina
and and amnesty
of knives and pistols.

son of man

sleep...
beneath the lake
of llyn llyndaw
in the clwyddian range
i hear the crash of falling rocks
and the voice of an old friend
a cry of - 'Hello...!'
sounds across the valley
from glaslyn to llyn teryn
gareth wakes,
'Shane!' he whispers -
'you're talking in your sleep again...'
 - 'sorry.'
i lie upon my belly
with an eye to the sky above
when a satellite shoots over the earth
like the star gareth's wishing on
but it's the words
of the majestic mountain
sacred symbol of timeless wisdom
that has captured my thoughts
imagination and awe
on snowdon
i hear the voice of sweet Jesus.

porn star

cheap whore, outside the offy
drinks cheap wine from the bottle
talks to her twin about picking me up
but i dont stop to pick up sluts
though its true, i liked the video
but i dont want to take part in the studio
and so i went home to get some rest
drink my beer and smoke cigarettes.
then the following morning
on my commute to work
i passed by her walking alone
to the constabulary
she wears the bruises
of an evening of sex, drugs and violence.