26/11/07 morbid reason

smoke rises
and fills the room
outside evening passes
unaware of my reason
for writing this
has someway of making sense
i find my old work
disturbing
but also amusing
in the present tense
i feel anxious 'sudden
is my future waiting near?
the way i came,
- thatta way...
to here is strange
all i am is severed
and i can be alone i pieces
with me here, right now -
right now?

23/11/07 my best friend

you once cared deeply
about our friendship
but over the years we grew distant
not sharing the best with me
of all the moments
where we would drink and smoke
and play in the band
and i had hoped
that we would remain the best of friends
but this is'nt what you want
instead we both blame
each other,
for what cannot be solved
until love finds us
we must make it alone.

23/11/07 always the best man

why me?
why am i to be compared,
to the greater weight of Paul
does anyone love me
or am i on my own
can i be certain my wish will be granted
or am i to be much maligned
and guilty of malpractice
how do you win the heart of another
is it won with cunning
or just lay back and court her
i need a witness to prove that i love
though none are so true
as to deny i do?

23/11/07 : try and try again

i saw a comet pass
upon a blazing evening sky
where i was once despairing
i have grown and tried again

woken to a new day
i must attempt to start again
and my work is important to me
as it replaces a dear lost friend

for a short while i wish to discover
the meaning of who i am
so i can be alive and free
to try and try again.

14/11/07

i didn't mean to hurt my old dad
i am truely sorry for my dirt
he was ever present in my life
for want of a few kind words.
he grew old and lonely, slowly
never did phone or call
except for when he had the chance
i am sorry my old man
but i have learned
you're the only one who could teach me
on how to be a man
i learned from your example
and feel like a little lamb.

13/11/07

without a reason
to be in vogue
i am rejected
an outcasted fool
never loved,
i never cared,
for what is mine is also theirs.
i have suffered
and been stretchered out
left without reason
and never sought out.
wishing someone may cause me joy
and allow me to reckon
that i can fall...
reaching for reason
my inspiration is stress
these ideas swim lucid
in the mind of the depressed.

13/11/07

past friends and lovers
have become enemies and whores
vengence has been threatened
and lives have been bought
for their benefit
they use my ways
to suit themselves
and i am estranged
i never struck out or challenged your name
but you dont like me
so why should i be afraid,
to leave you lacking
in the lurch
fuck you all i have had enough
to get me through this
just leave me alone
i still dont need you
i am happy at home.