yes, i know, i never had a father (the gospel according to an enlightened soul)

he was supposedly
an adult figure
and should have treated me
with respect and kindness,
to teach me right from wrong
in times to come
and find me a wife that's gorgeous
but instead he cheated and lied to me
because he would not have a Son like me
and so,
he did away with me as his own
so my mother had me beaten
and tortured
'i was your child!
and i didn't stand a chance!'
now my brothers' conspire to decieve me
my voice isn't heard
i am totally alone
and i don't have anyone to support me...
i not allowed a go at anything at all!
and i am sure none have ever loved me
i am in a fight i cannot win
because my Father, he has slain me.
he has passed me by for the very last time
and i say to you, for sure
it's you i wanted my whole life through
i never stopped searching for your thoughts,
hoping for your love,
and dieing for want of your words.

bad dream

waking,
in the evening
to find i have slept the whole day
through
i had a bad dream
a vision of catastrophe
so i wrote these words
for you
i am balding
and getting older
and with each passing day
i gain a gram of fat on my waistline
and so i have to ask...
where has my innocence gone to?
my youth was a line of white
crystals
a big black, blind hole
in my retina
and and amnesty
of knives and pistols.

son of man

sleep...
beneath the lake
of llyn llyndaw
in the clwyddian range
i hear the crash of falling rocks
and the voice of an old friend
a cry of - 'Hello...!'
sounds across the valley
from glaslyn to llyn teryn
gareth wakes,
'Shane!' he whispers -
'you're talking in your sleep again...'
 - 'sorry.'
i lie upon my belly
with an eye to the sky above
when a satellite shoots over the earth
like the star gareth's wishing on
but it's the words
of the majestic mountain
sacred symbol of timeless wisdom
that has captured my thoughts
imagination and awe
on snowdon
i hear the voice of sweet Jesus.

porn star

cheap whore, outside the offy
drinks cheap wine from the bottle
talks to her twin about picking me up
but i dont stop to pick up sluts
though its true, i liked the video
but i dont want to take part in the studio
and so i went home to get some rest
drink my beer and smoke cigarettes.
then the following morning
on my commute to work
i passed by her walking alone
to the constabulary
she wears the bruises
of an evening of sex, drugs and violence.

9/12/07 brotherly love

my brothers hate me
and want to kill my name
they beat and abuse me
my name is a curse
i have no protection
from their devious wit
i cannot defend
what i make of it
i made a resolution
to keep what is mine
because i have no friends
on whom i can depend
so what on earth pray tell me
can i do?
about continuing to live
under the duress of you two.

9/12/07 forlorn romance

falling in love
for the very first time
with someone so special
i have known
for some time
it's a childish romance
or a dim - witted
dalliance,
a hopeless reminder
i have no chance
but won't people pity me
someday
when i get my chance
to fall in love
with the perfect
romance.

28/11/07 new character

inspiration
is'nt in me
a cause is needed
to write about
and put use
to my imagination
let my words flow out
about,
what could be -
or has been?
questions should be asked
of these characters of mine
who are you?
where are you?
and can i champion
what i am writing about?