the mourning star a mourning after

the day returning
the evening before
spent alone and mourning
for all the loves i have not
no greater are the speckles of light
above my head
than the wishes i have had for nothing more
than some long missed dream of my youth
that was well spent in the company of strangers
for all of the blessings i craved
the praise,
the shame in dignity
as my mother would quote the Bible
proslytising God's good name...
i imagine she sings loudly,
- 'i lost my Son today - i am ever so proud!'
the Annunciation,
Corpus Christi,
Amazing Grace,
any of the songs of deep reverence
to those forces beyond our worldly thoughts
coming in from the blackest night as worries we cannot solve.
i apologise to those who i couldn't support
i never did forget you either
we just -
we just -
oui je -
well, we just didn't meet the same day
there was no right answer - just a confusion of morals
and my wish to be married!
though to be true,
had i known what it is to be a man of great learning
then i have no idea why i cared so much for one
and not at all for all others!