Monday 30 November 2009

what is really important

I sit here, just before 12am in the morning writing this journal to consider what is important.

We are taught from an early age by our parents, our extended family, school and even possibly, the Church, what is important in our lives.

But, I beg the question: On whose authority, are any of these testimonies in any way true?

First of all, [and this is the challenge I have set myself], can we reject the teachings of Jesus ? He had many anecdotes to share with us on love, forgiveness and our commitment to Sin. These are the core values of Western society, but here in the 21st century, in my time and in all my life, many have proved false.

Don’t get me wrong, I am no AntiChrist, but if we are to accept the Gospel as the word of some omnipotent being, let’s call him Christ; then, we cannot put our faith in human nature.

I wish to challenge this assumption.

So, thereby we are left with the education bestowed upon us by our family and the terminal institutions of society: These being primarily, education and the Law.

Recently, Government and even the media have had their say in the direction of the average citizens’ life. Whether it be the genocide of sex offenders or the placating of the masses when greedy bankers swallow your pension and savings and claim we’re all in it together. Apparently the economy’s crashed.

I think not, Government has bought the banks and made a loss on our behalf !

To add weight to this debate, we also find the wheels of justice prone to mistakes and even greater errors of no pilfering sum. We are talking real lives here. Even Government is in disarray over who holds power wisely, without abusing their position.

- Here, I pause to think of Christ’s work. – His message is clear, so am I wrong to discredit his words. [Seeing as that is all he has left us with].

You would think our institutions, the one’s we take for granted, would be benign in their mandate and the influence they have over us. They should not demand respect, or even command it. So maybe they should continue to placate us with lofty ideals, spin doctors, oratory and propaganda.

In fact they do… Nothing wrong with that I say, so long as we have free will: The right to make our own conscious decisions.

So, we come to the family.

The family unit has taken a lot of schtick in the latter part of the 20th century, even though all of us have been raised according to its’ primary values.

- Respect your parents, elders and betters, - no – cancel the last one. We are all born equally and we all die alone, in poverty.

I can guarantee you that much is true.

So why do we respect our parents [assuming we do] so much, even if they forgot us, abused us or took our name away.

Is it because when we were young we were conditioned by their rules, temper and demands ? Or was it unconsciously, we knew we could not survive without the hand that fed us, held us and smacked our arse when we had too much of a good time?

- I am sure I am due one soon.

No, I believe the family is good and is the sole consolation in the maddening world, after drugs, drink, sex, cigarettes and pornography that occupy’s any healthy person’s psyche.

It provides support, understanding, compassion, camaraderie and commitment. If it weren’t for your family, your parents included, you would never have been born.

So what are we born of ?

Christianity say’s Divine Love. God’s Love for the world and mankind [And womankind, of course].

So, is the humane question of the righteous treatment of our common folk, really the human element ?

Can human nature be at all freely given or is it to be disrespected and ignored.

And Love Is…?

Or is it…?

Which brings me back to Jesus. His anecdotes don’t give us much to go by, but in his wisdom he gave us free will and the right mind to make conscious decisions on our own behalf.

To love God for our only life here.

Or so it would seem and – if I have been fooled, then fool me. Sometimes it is our only choice when we have no other, and I am one of many.

Sure, life can be confusing and bitter at times but what would we be without the goodness and patience of human beings like you and me; our families, traditions, neighbours and friends.

And dare I even say it…, children.

You see, today my older Brother had his first child born to him and his partner at 10.22pm on the 25th November 2009.

They called her Sheraleigh Leah.

Surely Jesus loves us still and this old world has life to go ?

I can think of no worldly beast that could explain to me why I am motivated to write these words to myself under the title of…

- ‘What Is Really Important’

Sunday 29 November 2009

running away

Leaving home for the last time
I never wanted to go back
The colour of the room
Was making me ill,
My mother
Kept on giving me the shove.
I had nowhere i could call sanctuary
I couldn't rest and so,
I took my leave
On a November eve.
I took my dog and pipe
Closed the door on the world i knew,
And set off into the night.

I walked my dog passed all the places
That had ever broken my heart
Girls, friends, people and places
In which i had played a part.

Nothing was insignificant,
All sense came within reason
I had lost out on life
Because of crippling, fearful, emotions.

Saturday 28 November 2009

my friend's marriage proposal

He spoke
Goading me on his success
In his new relationship
I shyed away from my own ineptitude
Within this love affair
Worried i will always be alone.
And so i helped him to another beer
And continued to broach the subject
With pride and respect.
He ducked the challenge
When i asked for a cigarette.
So, i said,
I'm brown bread, dead in the head.
That's what you said?
'Yes! he cried.
'Fine,
I had given up.
'But do you love her?'
He shrugged and held his tin tight.

Because i am sure,
She will put hair on your chest...
And a hole in your arse!

Thursday 26 November 2009

*8 Cups.

why am i so fucking hated
to be abused with threats of sex
and teased on things
i wish to bring
into my life again.
i had a dream of love, a union
with the earth beneath my feet
spring all around
flowers in the ground
i meet with challenge again
where are the forces
of good and love
when all is set to evil
i never knew how
this situation came about
where i am the only believer
so let me know
how to show
that i do wish to be loved
and all else
for all it is worth
can go and fuck itself!

Wednesday 25 November 2009

always, forever, but never my own.

The cornflower blue
Hue of the walls
The other inhabitants
Residing in rooms
The hospital scheme
Of the CIC
I'm only here
Because no one wants me.
I'm not allowed to think for myself
Except when writing these words
I am something else
This criminal society
Has gotten me down
I've been promising forever
But it's not my time.
Here in my room
I guess it is over,
This is the last time
I will write to my lover
I've tried Guru's and psychics
But none can tell,
Who i am in love with
Or how to break the spell.

Saturday 21 November 2009

a day in the life...

My morning routine
To the sound of passing engines
I wake irritated
Because my Guru has told me
Los Angeles Cafe
Won't love you
Dear Aries, my friend
I pour out the coffee
And consider 'what next.'
Outside people walk to the bus stop
And gather
There's a brief hush of silence
As i consider my secret
My thoughts are with you
It's the challenge that i face
I relax in the bath to the sweetest tete a tete,

Then to exit music
- A chorus of birdsong
I wipe bitter tears
From the darkening sun
I take up my keys
And slammed closed the door
My head is a blank
But it should be
My heart.

Thursday 19 November 2009

DCS

The streets are dark, cold and wet
My mind is numb but i ain't forgotten
Yet -
The time i spent searching the road
For that someone who had a home
Was futile and sorry, that is my quarry
I was lost to the world and that is my story
The anger,
The rage,
The frenzied taunts
Of these damned hallucinations
In my thoughts
Tell me of ruin, disaster and curse
Of all the desires i have brought
Upon myself, demanding a partner
I still have friends
But crave a lover.

Wednesday 18 November 2009

cheating death

Jacob and Marley
Unlike that miser Scrooge
Have never understood the message
Alf Garnet, in his wisdom
'Til' Death Us Do Part'
Couldn't avoid death and marriage
But for my bloody neighbour
Arthur Timmins,
90 years isn't enough
He's avoided the Grim Reaper
Like a fucking Houdini
Escaping a pair of handcuffs!

Tuesday 17 November 2009

SchizophreniaDiaries.com - Anonymous Good News Schizophrenia Story

blue jesus - [my first poem this year].

Sitting beneath
High mountainpeaks
At the foot of the valley
In summer
I slept and dream't
Of the Son of Man
Some dear friend i once knew
The Saviour
My prayer is fraught
With contemplation
Of all, i may fear the worst
This supernatural spirit
Please my good Lord,
-Forgive me.
In all my efforts to change the world.

Monday 16 November 2009

welcome to my second attempt at my blog!

hi there!

welcome all my invited guests to view my blog, here at:

http://deadcitystreetsuk.blogspot.com.

as you may know, i have attempted to write one of these things before but chosen the wrong material as subject matter... [excuse the rustling of crisp packets and the profanities of the neighbours, bear with me and i shall remedy this situation.]

and so this time i am only submitting the material used during my coursework on the open university's creative writing diploma. that being, short stories, poems, thoughts of interest, nagging doubts and finally, dreamy sketches of whoever may be getting my rocks off that week!

i may also be writing back to myself about my early work, written during my bout of mental illness that plagued my twenties.

my family would understand!

so here's to you, kids; thanks for joining me and i hope for some major ass kicking in future.

we live and we learn... live and learn. plan to make some mistakes, you may never, ever regret them!

yours

SrL*8